There are many factors that define the role of an effective and/or good leader. To a large and important extent, I agree that leadership boils down to the relationship between the leader and his team (1Leader-Member Exchange Theory) because no matter how capable a leader can be, he will not be able to perform without any support from anyone. The leader and followers always come together to achieve a common goal and they do so by playing a different role. However, what seems to be the toughest part is maintaining a healthy working cum personal relationship for the both. Much effort is needed to build an effective 2-way communication and understanding; otherwise, things can turn out nasty.I always feel that I have a problem with maintaining lasting relationships especially with people who I cannot relate well to. Therefore, it is hard to strike a conversation on other topics besides work. Oddly, I think that it is acceptable so long as the current relationship still allows both parties to be friends, and it will be too hypocritical to try to be close to them.
Unfortunately, many of my friends have tried to proof me otherwise and convince me that this is how the society works, and no matter whether I can clique with the person, I must “pretend" that I can. I think that it is because of this, sometimes I may appear unapproachable and when I do not create chances for others to understand me, I am creating chances for them to misunderstand/misinterpret me and my decisions. However, I know that I still believe in my stand though I am quite deeply saddened by the ungrounded fact.
My father always have a classic line for me: if one person thinks negatively about you while others do not, then there must be something odd about that one person; however if majority feels that you are not good enough, then do some deep soul-searching because you may be the odd one. It makes sense but somehow I am not fully convinced. Is it really so?
How can we communicate with people who we have no common interest with and cannot relate to in order to build a good lasting relationship?
1 Also known as LMX or Vertical Dyad Linkage Theory, describes how leaders in groups maintain their positions through a series of tacit exchange agreements with their members. It mainly focuses on creating positive relations between the leader and subordinate.
Hey Zi Qi.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry, but I have to disagree with what your father said.
What is right is right, even if no one else is doing it. What is wrong is wrong, even if everyone else is doing it.
Perhaps you have to choose the crowd that you want to be in (your "everyone" is essentially whoever that's around you anyway, isn't it?).
So take this classic example: Pre-martial sex. In the army, I thought our society had already degraded to the extent that everyone was doing it (most of my army mates were doing and bragging etc.), and I started to doubted my own belief.
Thank goodness that my cell leader gave me a timely reminder, and sometimes we've got to stick to our own beliefs. It is not a foolproof thing (sometimes we need to change), but you must trust in what you believe in sometimes. :)
I'll leave the no common interest thing for others to discuss. :p
Dear ZiQi,
ReplyDeleteI have to admit that I get a bit lost in the midst of this post. (Maybe it's just late and I've read too much today!) Initially you seem to be discussing the relationship between a leader and his team. Then you turn to the apparent fact that you have a hard time relating to some people. As a result --or so you write-- you have a hard time talking and establishing lasting relationships.
Okay. Maybe you mean to say that group dynamics are hard to ascertain at times. (I don't know. maybe I'm stabbing for some meaning in the dark.) What really confuses me though is this statement: "However, I know that I still believe in my stand though I am quite deeply saddened by the ungrounded fact." Meaning what?
You then mention your father and his parental wisdom, which Chong Yew seems to disagree with.
I don't know. I'm feeling even more lost. Sorry!
Hi ZQ,
ReplyDeleteI believe you are not a conforming person when you do not follow what the others do such as "pretenting to be able to speak easily with someone you do not click."
I also faces this problem too, in fact I think most people face this as it is not possible for us to find any random person with common interest or topics we can talk about.
Even in such cases, I believe it is still possible to establish a good relationship with them by engaging in non-verbal activites such as playing a game( whatever you can think of. Be it bowling, badmintion, football and many more that requires teamwork.)together. In such games, players have to form a rapport with others and this forces them to cooperate even if they have no common interest.
Just something random here!
I agree with Chong Yew that one should not blindly follow the majority and change his or her behaviour or mindset just to suit the norm. He or she can evaluate whether he or she has some flaws that can be improved. However, i feel that it is best to be comfortable and to be in total control of our own life. It will be quite miserable to change our behaviour just to accomodate the majority.
ReplyDeleteFor your 2nd question (How can we communicate with people who we have no common interest with and cannot relate to in order to build a good lasting relationship?), I feel that in order to make a strong bond with someone, there must be some common topic or activities that both parties can relate or participate. Thus, i suggest that either of the parties can try to be more accomodating and take part in activities that interest the other party. I'm sure that there should be some common interests to talk about.
Hi Brad,
ReplyDeleteI started off by stating how important is the relationship between the leader and his team and because it is so important (to a certain extent), we cannot simply ignore its existence. However, having assume the role of the leader in various projects, I realised that one of the difficulties I faced is maintaining a lasting relationship with some of my teammates. I concluded that this may be due to my lack of communication skills with people who I (especially) cannot relate well to.
However, when I share with my friends this problem, some of my friends told me that even though we might feel that we cannot relate to some people, we must "pretend" we can and because that is how the society works, once in a while we need to play the role of a hypocrite! Personally, I found this hard to accept and not susbtaintiable enoughm but if that is how the society will really work, I will be really sad too!
"What is right is right, even if no one else is doing it. What is wrong is wrong, even if everyone else is doing it. "
ReplyDeleteHi Chong Yew, I agree with that statement so much! That is why when my dad told me that, to a small extent though it is true, but somehow I wasnt convinced at all!
Hi Gillian,
ReplyDeleteThanks so much! I think you made a great point about how we can bridge the gap/reduce awkwardness/build relationships through activites like playing games or sports together. And it all work out well, it probably allows both parties to see a different perspective!
Thanks Terry^^
ReplyDeleteYep, we should learn to be in control of our emotions and situations!
Oh rights, your suggestion is pretty good too! Just that I think both parties must be willing to commit that effort to close up the differences. I came across a few incidents whereby the parties are just complaining/whining and gossiping bad about those they not happy with. I was pretty, turned off by their actions. I feel that they should just air things out and improve the relationships rather than making it worse.
Thanks, ZiQi. That explanation helps. (I'm bit daft at times, especially after reading a lot of blog posts!) Now I know how you feel when the fakery of working with others seems to be weightier than the substance. Yep, that would make a person sad, for sure.
ReplyDeleteKeep faith, girl, in the value of communication and true friendship!