Business Correspondence - securing a deal

This is an email reply I received regarding getting sponsorship for an annual publication. Before continuing, I will have to mention that my team and I really appreciate the support our sponsors had given to us and till now, I believe the club are still maintaining good relationships with them! Here it goes:

The names and organization have been changed to ensure confidentiality.

From: sponsor@sg.abc.com
To: receiver@hotmail.com
Subject: Re: XYZ Club – Annual Publication 2007
Date: Mon, 28 May 2007 17:12:06 +0800

Hi Receiver no punctuation

Tried calling you today incomplete/rude sentence.

We will try to e-mail you the artwork by this week not clear enough/this week when?. Hope it is not too late too casual/appear rude .
Between typo error, I received 2 copies of your invoice. I guess too casual/appear rude one is redundent spelling error?

Thanks & Regards no punctuation
Sponsor

From the short email reply as seen above, we can identify a few errors. Firstly, the sentences were not complete sentences. Furthermore, there were a few minor typos and spelling mistakes. Even though the reader was able to understand the content, I feel that the content of the reply could be clearer. I think that the sender was probably trying to be friendly by being casual, however as a result , the sender might come across as rude to the reader. Therefore, I suggest that the way of writing could be done in a more professional manner since it was a business deal.

I believe that the email can be written more effectively as followed:

From: sponsor@sg.abc.com
To: receiver@hotmail.com
Subject: Re: XYZ Club – Annual Publication 2007
Date: Mon, 28 May 2007 17:12:06 +0800

Hi Receiver,

Thank you for your reply.

I have tried calling you today but I was not able to reach you. Therefore, I will try to send an email with the artwork attached to you by end of this week. I hope that it will not be too late for you. However, if you need it urgently, please let me know and we will try our best to work things out. It will also be appreciated if you could check your mailbox regularly this week for any new incoming updates from us.

By the way, I have also received 2 copies of your invoice. Please let me know which one should I refer to in order to make the necessary payments.

Thank you!

Warmest Regards,
Sponsor